Telling Your Partner

Genital herpes is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that can't be cured. The condition is caused by the herpes simplex virus and there are usually two types of this virus: herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) or herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2). Among these two types are various different strains. Certain strains are more likely to cause genital warts and other strains are connected with different cancers of the genital area. Once you become infected you will have the disease for the rest of your life, even if you don't have any symptoms. Herpes symptoms can include blisters that break to leave tender ulcers that can take weeks to fully heal.

If you become infected with herpes, it's important to make sure you tell any new partner that you're infected. Even with protected sex, there's still the chance you could transmit the herpes virus. Protected sex, meaning the use of condoms at all times, is safer sex, but it's not a foolproof way of preventing transmission.

Sharing this news is not always an easy thing to do. There is a lot of stigma associated with STDs, even one as common as genital herpes. (Statistics show that more than 16 percent of all Americans carry the herpes virus.) Here are some tips and suggestions to help you break the news of your condition to a new partner.

Getting Over the Social and Emotional Impact

Of the amount of people infected with the herpes virus, some statistics say that more than 50 percent of them don't show any symptoms. Most infected are symptomless so many people with the herpes virus don't feel or experience any physical distress. But most feel some sort of social and a definite negative emotional impact from the virus.

First of all there's society's general judgmental view of all sexually transmitted diseases. This stigma means that those infected may feel isolated or embarrassed after they are diagnosed. Those infected often feel uncomfortable talking about it. But it's still possible to have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner even if you have herpes. It's true that the condition is life long, but it's also important to put it into perspective.

When preparing yourself for the discussion, try practicing what you might say with a counselor or a friend. This role-playing will help you tell your partner in a manner that simply informs. While you may have a feeling of doom regarding your infection, try not to portray this feeling. Try to stay factual and let your partner know what you know about the disease and what can be done to prevent transmitting it. Don't downplay the disease, but don't make it worse than it is either.

When to Break the News

It's important to not keep your condition a secret for many reasons. Your partner has the right to make an informed choice about whether or not to have sexual relations with you. Telling him or her shows a level of respect for your partner's well-being and this honesty could build trust and intimacy.

It's been said that knowledge is power. This is true in regards to protecting oneself from genital herpes and other sexually transmitted diseases. If both you and your partner are aware of the risks of genital herpes, you can take precautions to prevent or reduce transmitting it.

There is always, of course, the risk of legal action if you've been found guilty of intentionally misleading a partner into committing an act that could harm his or her life.

Finding the best time to tell the news is a bit of a delicate balancing act. It's important to tell your partner early enough in the relationship before any sexual activity. But you also don't want to tell him or her so early that you've shared personal health information with a complete stranger.

The best guideline for sharing the news is once you've established some sort of mutual trust and would like to progress to a sexual relationship. Plan the moment and tell your partner before you become physically involved. Don't wait until there's sexual contact. And make sure the discussion is in a place where sexual contact is unlikely to follow. Then give your partner time to think about the news.